It’s the year 2016. The zombie apocalypse has taken a fevered grip on the Earth. Men and women up and down towns and cities shuffle along pavements causing mayhem as they obliviously go about their days hypnotically transfixed in the bliss of oblivion by the device in their hands. And what you may ask is this device, well it’s the humble smartphone of course. These particular zombies don’t consume brains but instead data as they burn through endless GB tweeting inane garbage about their hopelessly dull days. But thankfully this global scourge can be ended. It just takes a brave decision on our parts.
The MALESTROM today helps you to make an informed decision on that device that rules your life with our 15 reasons to ditch your smartphone:
1) Never again stare at your phone wondering why your girlfriend never texts you back (heads up, she hates you)
2) Stop getting hit by cars every week as you tweet that you’re about to take a piss
3) Meet up with your friends rather than WhatsApp-ing them
4) Get through a nice meal with a friend or loved one without taking a picture of your food when it arrives
5) Never have to check the likes of that picture of your dinner that you just uploaded
6) Save yourself some cash (the new iphone will be around £600!)
7) Wander the streets free of music, engaging in the actual real world around you
8) Leave work and not have to reply incessantly to emails from your boss about more work
9) Get better sleep (recent research tells up smartphones play havoc with sleep patterns)
10) Stay healthy. Latest research is beginning to link health implications with long term phone use.
11) Don’t have your location tracked (isn’t it weird that our phones stalk us?)
12) No more selfies or enduring other people taking them anymore (surely that one wins you over?)
13) Have less chance of killing others on the road when driving and checking Facebook at the same time
14) Stop screw up your relationships (research has found most couples now pay more attention to their phones than their other half)
15) When you go on holiday actually have a break rather than being tethered to work emails and social media
And if that list isn’t enough to sway you to surrender your smartphone watch this clip showing the danger of concentrating on your dog and bone too much …
Of course, The MALESTROM isn’t all against phones. Communication is as we know key. We’re just advocating a step back so we are able to stride forward. Maybe by investing a minimal fee in a more retro mobile and losing some of today’s much-loved features we can start to engage a little more and maybe have a chat rather than play Candy Crush? To feel a sense of freedom from their highly addictive nature. To realise new technology doesn’t always compliment your life.
These words will likely fall on the now very deaf ears of smartphone users who are probably already camping outside Apple for the release of the iphone 7 at some point later this year. And for these poor lost zombified souls The MALESTROM has these final words for you from the late great author Hunter S. Thompson …
“Freedom is something that dies unless it’s used”
So give some thought to breaking away from the masses and maybe giving less attention to your smartphone, it could help you live a freer life. Although of course if you’re reading The MALESTROM on your smartphone right now please carry on, that’s more than acceptable, in life there are always exceptions to the rules!