Sir Keir Starmer had a great idea this week. To spend, in his own words, ‘every minute’ discussing the cost of living here in Britain. But across The Pond, Donald Trump had another idea. To shatter everyone’s illusions about about what the world order’s supposed to look like. No prizes for guessing what happened to our Prime Minister’s plan.
All very well taunting him with the term Never Here Keir, which bits was he supposed to decide didn’t really count? The war in Ukraine? The Kremlin’s spy ships sneaking around our waters? The collapse of NATO?
No one disputes that Putin’s turned Russia into a rogue state. But the doubly scary thing is the possibility now being seriously discussed – that Trump is doing much the same in America.
Commentators following the meandering but deadly twists ricocheting out of the White House freely admit that trying to keep up is giving them whiplash.
But the picture progressively emerging is that what’s happening Stateside is putting at risk every one of us right here right now.
Look no further than Greenland. Though under the ambit of Denmark, a paid-up member of the Western Alliance, it’s caught The Donald’s beady eye. Low-hanging fruit, ripe for the picking. Whaddaya say, guys?
Not like he’s that fussed about boring stuff like international law. Fact is, there’s loads of oil going begging in Venezuela, so let’s take out the bloke at the top. Why not? No one’s going to stop us.
Ok, Nicolás Maduro’s a wrong ’un. A brutal kleptomaniac, who snatched power after dodgy elections.
Not like he’s the only one, mind. The Donald’s mate in Israel isn’t exactly squeaky-clean either. But, hell, that’s different.
And then there’s Putin. One minute top Trumpski Chumski, next not a man to do business with after all. But this time tomorrow, who can tell?
All rather unfortunate that after the collapse of the Soviet Union we in Britain, along with the rest of Europe, hollowed out our armed forces, spending the money on much nicer things, like schools and hospitals.
It didn’t matter so long as we had the Yanks watching our backs for us. It does now, as big strong Uncle Sam’s decided it’s time we fought our own battles.
Which answers the question about why Sir Keir really can’t afford to be here as much as he’d like.
Straight after professing his determination to make the pound in our pockets go further he was off to Paris. Sorting British boots on the ground in Ukraine, in the event of a ceasefire.
That in itself looks sketchy thanks to the Americans’ intermittent enthusiasm for the deal. And, even more to the point, because we’re a bit short on squaddies these days anyway.
Still, we’ve no choice but to try, given Putin’s obvious ambition to recreate the old Russian empire. Which inevitably means victory in Ukraine is nothing to what might follow.
All hideously of a piece with Trump’s beady eye on Greenland, and, you never know, why not have a crack at Canada while he’s at it?
Little wonder that the Kremlin’s keeping schtum about all that, following the old military dictum that you never interrupt the enemy while he’s making a mistake.
Not like the Ruskies are taking a nap, though. Case in point their state-of-the-art boats bobbing around our shores with, all too often, intel-sniffing submarines lurking close by.
All it’d take is a few strategic snips here and there and our disabled cables, and pipelines, would leave us bereft of vital energy and high-tech communications links.
Also on the high seas, Starmer has helped the Americans grab a tanker suspected of trying to thwart Western efforts to choke off Russian oil supplies.
But you can’t help but feel sorry for his tongue. Given how hard and how often he, as a former international human rights lawyer, must have bitten it.
The shooting dead of a woman by Trump’s paramilitary-style goons, in the streets of Minneapolis, is just the latest outrage.
He says it was self-defence, but authoritative analysis of video footage tells a different story. And if that’s not bad enough, local officials are being excluded from the investigation. Cover-up? It’s looking like it.
All of a piece with a judiciary installed to do the White House’s bidding. Plus trashed cultural institutions, and even loose talk of the Prez breaking the rule that says he can’t go for a third term.
Little wonder poor Keir’s a bit distracted, darting around on a permanent damage limitation exercise. Much of it thanks to the nation’s supposed best friend seeming to behave like its worst enemy.
This goes some way at least to explain why Number Ten has such a knack of looking rudderless. Endlessly having to fess up to goofing on supposedly carefully thought out hard-and-fast decisions.
It’s estimated that the latest U-turn, this one on business rates for pubs, is actually its twelfth. And, like a fair few others, a door-opener for more demands for changes of heart.
Nonetheless, the Treasury is said to be putting together a three-hundred-million-pound package to help mine host swerve huge hikes in what he or she’s got to shell out.
It seems the geeks at Number Eleven have only just noticed that boozers were already declaring time at an alarming rate last year. On average, one a day.
And then there’s the small matter of government plans to practically halve the legal drink-drive limit as part of its new road safety masterplan.
Point of fact, polling suggests that nearly all of us think the current permitted level is too high. Safe to assume though that hard-pressed publicans don’t see it that way.
Very likely some of their punters will be choking on their first pint too, when they spot that that’s the only one they’ll be allowed.
It’s also a distinct possibility that more mature citizens won’t be too chuffed either at another idea being tossed around. Compulsory eyesight tests for anyone over seventy.
And, to cap it all, the presumably younger folk in Whitehall are also considering checks on their brain power. You know, making sure they’re not getting a bit wobbly.
But best keep that bit under wraps. The Donald will be eighty this year, if he gets wind of that he’ll probably invade England. Just to teach us a lesson.
Then again, we could also learn a lesson from the Swedes, who’ve proved that cleverness comes in all sorts of unexpected shapes and sizes.
The humans there have spotted just how brainy crows are. And started recruiting them to help keep the streets clean.
This is straight up. Honest. Somehow or other they’ve got the feathered friends to clock a mutually beneficial cause and effect mechanism.
All they have to do is flutter up to specially designed machines and plop in bits of litter. And, hey presto, something tasty to eat plops out.
Certainly sets the lie on the abusive term ‘birdbrain’. And makes you wonder whether they’re missing a trick Stateside.
Instead of a bloke endlessly crowing about how good he is at everything, maybe they should just hand over the job to a real crow.
Not like there aren’t plenty of folk, on both side of the Atlantic, who reckon they’d be better off.
Watch Peter’s report at peterspencer.org
Peter Spencer has 40 years experience as a Political Correspondent in Westminster, working with London Broadcasting and Sky News. For more of his fascinating musings on the turbulent political landscape, follow him on Facebook & Twitter.