It’s not every day that everyone getting shouty at Westminster really adds up to all that much. But what’s just happened is an exception. And it’s not just because Farage’s gang’s scooped up another Tory big hitter. As our Political Correspondent Peter Spencer reports, the backdrop to Robert Jenrick’s defection to Reform tells you all you need to know about how the whole system’s falling to bits.
Like so many claims made in and about parliament, there’s no actual evidence that the two front benches are two sword-lengths apart to prevent MPs murdering one another.
Even if it’s true though, the concept is dated. Because these days what our elected representatives most need is shields slung over their backs.
The point that can’t be too heavily underscored here is, arguably, the obvious one. That the Prime Minister’s in every bit as much danger as the Conservative leader.
Yes, polling tells us that Kemi Badenoch simply can’t reverse her party’s wipeout at the last election. With Nigel Farage potentially scooping up more than five times as many MPs as her at the next one.
But at the same time, Labour, which swept the board only a year and a half ago, faces a similarly grisly prospect.
Which is why top bods next to and behind Keir Starmer are taking it in turns to be the one most likely to shove him off his perch in a few months.
And while the May local elections are the expected flashpoint it could come sooner.
Still, it made a lovely change in the Downing Street bunker, watching the other lot tearing themselves apart in real time. No getting round it, it was quite the spectacle.
The comics, as tabloid newspapers are referred to in the trade, had lots of fun comparing the bare-knuckled fight on the right with the hit TV series The Traitors.
You can picture the subs licking their lips as they knocked out such headlines as ‘The Traitories’ and ‘The Secret Traitor’. Yay! Sock it to ’em, guys!
Certainly, the sequence of events on Thursday did set the lie on all the nicey-nicey stuff that honourable members use to mask what they’re really about.
Brief recap. It seems a mole in Jenrick’s team clocked that he was about to jump ship and grassed him up, enabling Badenoch to chuck him out before he could make his shock announcement.
Round one to her then. But that little sugar rush can’t be expected to last, bearing in mind that Jenrick was the party grassroots’ favourite person, as well as the bookies’ top tip to replace her.
Not like he hasn’t got a spot of form, mind. Apart from being as good at changing ideological colour as a chameleon, he did once get the boot for apparently slightly dodgy ministerial dealings.
Nor is he the only one there.
The other notable Tory to Reform switcher of the week, Nadhim Zahawi, was also fired, in this case over his tax affairs.
Plus it didn’t look too good, during the MPs’ expenses scandal a decade or so back, when it turned out he was charging the taxpayer to keep his stables nice and warm.
Nonetheless, his defection brings the number of present or past Tory MPs to eighteen. Begging the question as to whether the seepage could really turn sploshy.
In the meantime it certainly boosts Farage’s claim to being leader of a government-in-waiting, given that his two new recruits do have lots of experience at actually running things.
Also fair to say the newbies have both got a handle on how things work these days. Basically, not wasting time making speeches that no one listens to, but putting stuff on the web that actually does get people going.
Talking of which, it looks like Starmer’s heading for a U-turn (ahem, his fourteenth), over kids’ access to social media.
Only last month he was saying it was more about controlling content than simply introducing a blanket ban.
But it seems he’s up for a tweak to an impending new law to make sure it does just that. Upshot being under-sixteens won’t be able to get into sites like TikTok and X.
Could be the tipping point was Starmer’s run-in with Elon Musk over X’s AI function Grok, which makes it all too easy to do disgusting things to images of women. In short, to take all their clothes off.
The super-rich tech bro spat nails at him, having the brass neck to accuse the government of being ‘fascist’ and looking for ‘any excuse for censorship’.
But on this occasion our PM was No Fear Keir, sticking by his guns and making this sort of thing illegal, as of this week. And threatening to ban the site altogether.
First off, Musk merely backed down to the extent of making his hideous porn-creating function only available to people who were prepared to pay for it.
That was a concession? Makes you wonder how the man’s mind works.
The answer surely lies in the likely reason why he did eventually bin it altogether. Because he spotted that it might turn out to be not be all that good for business.
Could even be it was a no-brainer in the end. Given that a poll here in UK found that ninety-six per cent of us think the whole thing sucks.
No question then, Starmer was on the side of the angels with this one.
Just a shame that it was such a rare victory among so many defeats. Look no further than two other recent U-turns.
Digital IDs were going to be mandatory. Er, until they weren’t. When it became painfully clear that Labour backbenchers wouldn’t stand for it.
Might have been better to ask around a bit first? Do a few sums?
Same applies to the Treasury’s climbdown over how much pubs and other hospitality outlets were going to have to shell out in business rates.
The Chancellor’s line, that she’d no idea how hard they’d be hit, just got shredded by the boss of the outfit that crunches the numbers. He told MPs last week that he’d been ‘very clear’ about just that.
Still, Starmer did have a bit of fun at Prime Minister’s Questions when Badenoch accused him of always changing his mind.
The Tories, he told her: ‘Had more positions in fourteen years than the Kama Sutra. No wonder they’re knackered and left the country screwed.’ Naughty! But nice.
Has to be said, though, when you’re trying to add things up there are often surprises in store.
During the last particularly cold snap, visitors to a wildlife reserve in Edinburgh were troubled by a young swan flapping its wings helplessly. Because it clearly couldn’t stand up properly on a frozen boating pond.
Folk from the Scottish equivalent of the RSPCA couldn’t get to it, so they called the fire brigade. Eventually, with the aid of something laid on the ice, one of their guys managed to drag the poor thing to safety.
Then, when it was whisked off to a rescue centre, all was well. Happy ending then, and certainly worth all those firefighters’ efforts.
How many, exactly? In all, would you believe, no fewer than twenty-one.