Russia’s bloodthirsty dictator Putin is having rather a good war in the Middle East, thanks to the one-time self-professed peacenik in the White House. No question Donald Trump is knocking seven bells out of the oppressive Iranian regime, but the deals he’s making to protect his own back yard surely can’t be part of the plan. All the while, as our Political Correspondent Peter Spencer reports, Keir Starmer can do little more than wring his hands in the sidelines.
In the fog of war it’s hard to see your hand in front of your face, but some obvious facts are poking us in the eye anyway.
The first is that when you take on a country that can and so far is managing to stifle the flow of around a quarter of the entire world’s oil and natural gas supplies the knock-on effect will hit hard and soon.
Fuel price hikes at the pumps in Britain as elsewhere are just for starters. With added costs loaded onto businesses the casualty list gets longer and longer, and more puzzling. Witness loads of mortgages suddenly vanishing from the market.
So much for the Prime Minister making living standards his number one priority. Signs of a juddering slowdown in economic growth are already driving a coach and four through that one.
Of course things would settle down really pretty quickly if Trump were to decide that the Iranians have a point in renaming his Operation Epic Fury Operation Epic Mistake.
But at this stage he’s contending, in his own inimitable style, that the war is ‘won’, but not ‘won enough’.
In fact he seems to be getting a taste for all this bloodletting, what with the White House pumping out all these propaganda vids of computer games mixed with real war footage, and clips laced with quotes from violent movies.
To cap it all, after the Americans sunk an Iranian warship, killing nearly a hundred sailors, the question arose why didn’t they capture it instead? To which the answer, quoted by Trump with a smirk, was that: ‘It’s more fun to sink ’em.’
This from the man who used to make such a thing of how good he was at stopping wars. And couldn’t stop grizzling like a little boy who’s had his favourite toy taken away, when the Nobel folk declined to give him a nice spangly peace prize.
No question though, he is sincerely displeased at the likely discontent across the US of A about those fuel price hikes. Hence his decision to ease sanctions on Russian oil to counter the problem by making more of the stuff available after all.
Manna from heaven for the Kremlin, as, four years down the line, their laughably ill-termed ‘Special Military Operation’ in Ukraine is leaving them seriously short of cash.
Seems only yesterday The Donald was going to sort that little barney in less than a week too. But history can throw up all manner of unexpected consequences.
Back in the 1950s the Brits and the French mounted a highly successful operation in Egypt when that country’s then president grabbed hold of another strategically vital waterway, in this case the Suez Canal.
Though we did manage to snatch it from him we had to give it back after much bigger powers, notably the United States, told us we’d been very naughty boys. From that moment on, Britannia stopped ruling the waves, and we all felt very silly.
At this point an interesting possible parallel may yet unfold. If the money men decide the Prez has goofed they could yet force his hand. Thus proving the real power Stateside resides not in the White House but Wall Street.
If the dice do land that way it’s even possible that elder statesmen this side of The Pond might finally enjoy their own moment of gleeful schadenfreude. We’ll see.
For now though the barbed tentacles of the Middle East conflict are spreading ever out, and we Brits are gradually getting more and more drawn in.
At the same time we’re having to fess up to how hollowed out our armed forces really are. Most of those warships that once proudly policed great chunks of the world now seem to be getting refits or whatever. Hardly battle ready after all.
You can’t lay the blame for that at least on the current government, as the wind-down of most of Europe’s armed forces has been going on for decades, ever since the Russians stopped being vile and the peace dividend seemed set to last forever.
Alas, with Putin and his mob gnashing their teeth at us we’re realising that forever is just what it isn’t. But snatching back the money diverted in those halcyon days to health, education and welfare is a protracted and painful process.
A problem there with a capital P burning holes in Keir Starmer’s in tray. Alongside another, very immediate one, also starting with the letter P. Peter. Mandelson.
Given that The Donald isn’t, shall we say, the most predictable chap to be doing business with it struck Starmer that he needed a real clever clogs to keep tabs on him.
So he decided to brush aside the known fact that Mandelson had remained pally with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein even after he’d been banged to rights, and make him Our Man In Washington anyway.
Now that the so-called Prince of Darkness has been collared by the cops for allegedly lining his own pockets while on the job the appointment’s come back to bite Sir Keir, fearfully hard.
Turns out the nitty gritty vetting process was carried out not by the PM himself, but by a couple of guys who happened to be chums of the man.
At best that adds up to a real durr moment on Starmer’s part. At worst it leaves him open to the charge of telling porkies about how much he knew, and when.
Little surprise that the Tory leader’s gone in all guns blazing, maintaining that he: ‘Told lie after lie after lie about the appointment of Peter Mandelson.’
She’s been careful, mind, not to say that in the commons, as accusing an honourable member of lying constitutes unparliamentary language.
On one gloriously memorable occasion an MP did use that word during a debate, and was immediately told by The Speaker to take it back or take himself off.
His response was priceless. Here it is in full: ‘I withdraw the accusation, Mr Speaker, but simply say instead that the honourable gentleman’s nose is growing.’
Oh how they laughed, but it is a fine line. And Starmer is in an awkward situation.
Then again parliament was ever the repository of curious and arguably marginally outdated customs. MPs heading into the chamber, for example, do have the option of asking the Principal Doorkeeper for a pinch of snuff.
Once upon a time the cost of the stuff came out of the public purse, but it seems the guy now has to pay for it himself. Which does at least tend to suggest there isn’t quite so much call for it these days.
Different story altogether back in the late seventeenth century though, when the beasts banned smoking in the Chamber, meaning snuff was the only form of tobacco to be had.
But to bring the story up to date, the subject did come up last year during a debate about cigs and vapes, at which point it was decided that the tradition should carry on as, if nothing else, an ‘historical artefact’.
Nice to know the Cheshire Cat is alive and well at Westminster. It’s one line no one’s likely to forget. Ever. ‘We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’
Watch Peter’s report at peterspencer.org
Peter Spencer has 40 years experience as a Political Correspondent in Westminster, working with London Broadcasting and Sky News. For more of his fascinating musings on the turbulent political landscape, follow him on Facebook & Twitter.