What on earth is it with the deluge of cheap naff Christmas jumpers?! Fully grown adult men, in particular, see the festive season as the perfect time of year to abandon all sartorial decorum and jump on a bandwagon that’s heading the wrong way down the catwalk.
If your three-year-old nephew wants to spend the twelve days of Christmas in a Snowman emblazoned sweater then so be it, but if you’ve made it into adulthood or even worse you’re the wrong side of 30 then this garish gimmickry has to stop!
Look we’re by no means Scrooging here – we’re all about festive frivolities and are certainly partial to a bit of cracker hat wearing around the Christmas table and of course if you’ve no intention of leaving the house then go nuts!
But if you’re walking round in ten strong groups of 30 plus-year-olds then it might be time for a rethink. The key is to stand out from the crowd by wearing something that doesn’t make you stand out from the crowd if you catch our drift.
1) Moes Crew Amber by FOLK (£135)
This wonderful woollen warmer hails from the folk at FOLK who have created the most perfect answer to all your cold weather questions.
These guys know a thing or two about casual comfortable elegance and this stylish and subtle crewneck mohair mix is about as on point as a seasonal piece of knitwear is going to get. Enough said.
2) Star Bordeaux Chunky Knit (£110)
Reiss are always on point with their knitwear, and this red wine tinged crew neck number is spot on for wintry nights on the town traipsing to the next watering hole with your colleagues and their flashing reindeer noses.
Wear with jeans and trainers or some trousers and boots, it’s an all rounder and we think it’s the right side of festive. It also comes in navy but that’s not very seasonal is it?
3) Off White Slim Fit Jumper (£38)
This popcorn coloured number available at Topman feels Christmassy in its own way, or at least we think so.
Not so expensive that a red wine spillage would prove catastrophic but a nice jumper that is once again smart enough or subtle enough depending on your mood. Interestingly Topman also has some shining examples of what not to buy like this and they’d want £30 in return. Sheesh.
4) Check Black Sweater by ZARA (£29.99)
Spanish giants (you thought Barcelona) ZARA quietly and consistently make standout wardrobe must-haves and this black and white number would solve the Christmas couture conundrum.
Ok, it’s more of a sweater but it’s festive enough to offer an alternative plus its tone might absorb any mulled wine mishaps.
5) Kent and Curwen Shetland Wool Sweater (£250)
This fine example of the perfect mark to be hitting during the festive season is a slim fit Fair Isle Shetland Wool belter from Kent and Curwen and their recent collaboration with David Beckham.
We’re not sure which bit David did, but let’s just say this is classy Christmas wear. It has lots of seasonal colours so you won’t offend all the official Christmas jumper wearers having bants over in the corner. It costs a pretty penny but it’ll get tons of wear over the years. Head on over to Mr Porter and snap one up.
So as you get ready for the annual office party and various other seasonal events just ask yourself these key questions before you dive head first into your hilarious Santa jumper with dangling jingling bells.
What do you see in the mirror? Do you think this jumper will enhance your chances of finally scoring with that office crush? Which jacket really works with that ensemble? Have fun, get wasted, just maybe ditch the comedy jumper dude, and keep it classy this Christmas.
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