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The Best Jokes From the Edinburgh Festival

The Best Jokes From the Edinburgh Festival


We here at The MALESTROM love a good laugh, and the source of many a great joke has been The Edinburgh Festival. For three weeks in the month of August, the Scottish city is descended upon by performers of all kinds, from all over the globe, not in the least comedians.

TV channel Dave sponsors the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award, voted for by the public, which is now in its 10th year. It’s seen plenty of killer one-liners over its time with the likes of Tim Vine and Nick Helm taking home the coveted prize. 2017’s shortlist featured better-known names from comedy like Frankie Boyle and Ed Byrne.

Ken Cheng won this year’s funniest joke prize with a joke about the new pound coin introduced earlier this year. Cheng dropped out of Cambridge University before becoming a professional online poker player. His big comedy break came when reaching the final of the 2015 BBC Radio New Comedy award.

Here’s his prize-winning joke …

‘I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.’

A worthy winner? Here’s the rest of the list so you can judge for yourselves …

‘I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.’ Lew Fitz

‘I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the “brella”. But he hesitated.’ Andy Field

‘Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.’ Mark Simmons

‘I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.’ Tim Vine

‘I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.’ Olaf Falafel

‘Whenever someone says, “I don’t believe in coincidences.” I say, ‘”Oh my God, me neither!”‘ Alasdair Beckett-King

‘Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.’ Frankie Boyle

‘A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.’ Angela Barnes

‘I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?’ Alexei Sayle

‘I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…’ Jimeoin

‘I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.’ Ed Byrne

‘I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.’ Adam Hess

‘As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently, people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.’ Adele Cliff

‘For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.’ Phil Wang

Last years prize went to West Bromwich-based comic Masai Graham for his joke, ‘My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he’s a man after my own heart.’

One of our very favourites from the prize’s ten-year run comes from 2011 winner Nick Helm with the brilliant line …

‘I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.’ 

What’s your favourite funny? Let us know in the comments below.

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